I would love to know how you are moving through and feeling in this moment. Do you care to share because I am.
Right here, right now,
How do you be?
I’m sharing and also asking for help.
The medicine of sharing from the heart offers so much to the hearts of all. Our sharing of our experiences can exemplify and gift one another beyond measure with the capacity of this offering as medicine for our souls, for in the giving, is the receiving and vice versa.
I have definitely thrown aspects of myself into the belly of the 🔥fire.
What seemed quite literally, yesterday on this dark moon in Cancer. The Winter Solstice in the Southern Hemisphere and Ring of Fire Eclipse.
It became clear to me that the opportunity arose for (possibly some deep ancestral) cleansing and family/relationship/soul contracts need to be purified.
I was rendered by the fact that before my very eyes a situation unfolded with my daughter.
It’s been brewing since the first week of April. (Second week of lockdown). As we’ve had four or five episodes, that are beginning to feel to be creating a pattern. This begins with daughter screaming for my attention but unwilling to communicate other than moans or grunts.
She is enveloped by a scale of emotion that escalates from quiet grunting to screaming incessantly, mummy, mummy, mummy, as I stand or sit before her, completely in her presence. Quietly asking her for a response as to what it is that she needs.
Last night, she quite literally woke up the entire house after 90 mins of complete refusal to move off the carpet on the lounge room floor. (Everyone has gone to bed, clearly except her or I). I had just sat by her quietly hoping she’d speak or maybe even fall asleep.
The beginning of me recognizing what was going to play out was when I was consoling/cuddling her brother (a year older) who had a very painful and upset tummy. We think it was indigestion after eating food he doesn’t normally eat.
She continued in this way well after he’d settled and gone to bed. In trying something different. I sat and waited. Hoping she’d grow tired or cooperate and allow me to rub oil on her tummy too.
When she discovered he’d had an upset tummy, was when she crawled to my feet on the floor and refused to move, speak or otherwise.
She refused any of my reasoning or questioning by grunting at me. Staying with what seems to be her remaining stuck or stubborn (I’m unsure which or if at all it’s something entirely different) as this is Unchartered waters for me (4th child)) and seemingly I’m unable to receive information or a desire of her making choices to have her wants/needs met. All she would need do is speak. This has me feeling entrapped by the situation as I am unable to walk away, (sometimes needed as my anger/temper/frustration simmers to the surface and I need time out) as her screaming escalates into more of a panic or hysteria if I do. Then by staying I’m also unable to get anything clearer or closer to achieving what it is that her needs and wants are.
I ended up needing to physically move her to her room and onto her bed and in the process she fought me by wriggling, resisting, grabbing doorways and furniture along the way as well as dead weighting her body to make it near impossible, resulting in her getting hurt because it hurts under her armpit with all the protest.
Then she continued yelling mummy, mummy, mummy as I asked her what she needed. I try hugging and kissing, saying good night and leaving. Still, she’s screaming. Then she needs ice for her arm pit and I’m horrible for hurting her but she refused to move from the lounge room and continued screaming. Meanwhile, eldest daughter, annoyed and frustrated as she is trying to sleep, comes in to say, “Be quiet, I’m trying to sleep, you’ve woken me up and I have to get a good night sleep as I’ve got an exam in the morning.” Still, she continues.
I ended up calming her (after another 30 minutes of the same) by not talking other than saying, “Breathe”, and placing my hand on her heart.
She then told me she loves me and that she is sorry. I did the same as I was sorry for hurting her too but……what does one do?!?
Has anyone experienced this before or something similar?
Can you offer up any advice?
Furthermore, cleansing of the waters that flowed and wracked my body, shaking it free from the depths within, as I eventually made it to my bed and lay my head. It was then the emotion of this experience gripped me, beckoning to be felt, as all that held in anger, hurt and frustration of this situation unfolded, as I’d floundered like a fish out of water, not knowing what to do.
I’m also afraid it’ll happen again.
Not that I want to create it either by speaking this.
Each time this has happened it’s been different but same/same.
The grunting, refusal to communicate or cooperate.
This all occurred after the most beautiful day spent with some beautiful family friends. It was an extreme ending to a beautiful and blissful day and a come down like no other.
I understand to the best of my ability that I am joining the collective of all of these huge energies that are surging through all of humanity and Earth’s systems and beyond. In perfect alignment with the currents of the tides, my moon time arrived early mid eve which I celebrated whole heartedly. With honour and reverence of this sacred chalice, my womb well has been offering up more from the darkness of its chambers.
The mother/daughter/sister – feminine song lines have risen to the surface with extreme gusto of the waters to be tended and mended quite clearly.
I feel as though I need help, so I call to any wise elders who may have experienced this to share and shed some light please?
Today I am choosing to be gentle and tender with myself as I too ride these cosmic and planetary waves with you all. In light of the healing and mending that is occurring, more and more I am being called to presence. Presence being the utmost and foremost space to be in. Challenged when in such times of deep learning, to traverse and with understanding of the importance to know thyself but these relationship dynamics and individuals too. Knowing that this going against the grain of the known and stepping into the unknown within these uncharted waters is needed for growth.
All we can do is hope, pray, have faith, with complete surrender that we find the land beneath our feet once again or learn to breathe underwater.
All that dies shall be reborn.
Going with the flow as I ascend in my astrological rise with this cancerian water wise crab and its ability to move with the currents.
Thank you for reading
If you’ve made it this far 😘xo
Thank you, I love you xo
Please forgive me
I love you
All my love, blessings and blessings
Dreaming / visioning, heaven here on Earth
Welcoming this first Solstice/eclipse of the New Earth 🌏